Mountain Climbing

Everyone faces challenges in life.  Although you can easily feel like you're all alone in the midst of a challenge, it's almost a surety that others are facing the same struggle at the same time, and sharing that overwhelming sense of despair, loneliness, worry, and frustration with you.  Over the course of the past several months, it has seemed that the people closest to me have been charged with an unusually severe lot of life's challenges.  As I've observed my friends and family take on these "mountains", I've found myself analyzing how it is that they've chosen their particular paths up the mountain.  I know...stop it, Jen.  

But every one of my family and friends in their specific situations has in many ways been training to meet the valleys of these mountains and take on these climbs.  They probably don't always realize it, but the smaller struggles that they've encountered in life up until this point have prepared them (in many ways) for what they're up against now.  More than likely, these mountains will one day look small in comparison with the next mountain range with which they'll find themselves face to face.

Here's an example - my ex - let's call him "Anthony".  Still a good friend, we've maintained contact since our split a little over two years ago.  When he and I were together, Anthony was rather distant from his family, and he preferred to keep that distance.  I, however, have a strong familial bond with my big, fat, Greek family, and they seem to be constantly in my business or me in theirs.  Through the years that I spent as half of the couple "Jen & Anthony," I showed him the value of keeping family close, relying on them and supporting them when necessary, and I like to think he caught on to some of that, and grew closer to his own family as a result.  When I was diagnosed with cancer in September 2010, Anthony and I were living together.  I knew my world was about to rapidly change, whether I wanted it to or not.  I thought then that even though Anthony and I had our issues, he was my best friend, and when the shit hit the fan, he would come through for me and be there for me 100%.  I thought that I had done such a good job of welcoming and incorporating him into my family, that he would follow-through as I'd expect one of my own family to do in a time of need.  But when I got that life-changing diagnosis, I learned that I was wrong about Anthony.  He didn't know how to be there for me and support me through that.  He reverted back to how he knew to stay safe in a family - by keeping his distance.  And he lost me.

 

Anthony's younger brother was in an accident this past fall.  Let's call his brother "Paul".  In his early twenties, Paul could have died; he could've been permanently brain-damaged; he could've been paralyzed for the rest of his life.  Anthony and his family were devastated.  Anthony could have hidden his feelings and detached himself from the situation and carried on with life as he knew it.  Paul was living in another state, and they saw each other rarely (holidays and other special occasions).  Instead, Anthony showed up at sunrise; he changed his life to fit with Paul's changing life; he started to climb full-speed up that mountain; he knew and feared the possibility that if he didn't start climbing, Paul would fall off his mountain and out of Anthony's life forever.

Maybe his sense of loss over our romance and depth of friendship was his prep-work for what would happen with Paul.  Anthony said to me recently over a bottle of wine, "I want to be there for him the way I wasn't there for you."  The fact is, he's kicking that mountain's butt now, and I'm proud of him for even taking it on in the first place.

When I think of the mountains I've personally had to climb in life, there has always been an adjacent challenge that came first to prepare me for how to handle it better when the real mountain appeared.  I guess everything happens for a reason; and everything happens when it should, as it should.

A Baker's Morning

Hot rays of sunshine crept onto my face to the point of discomfort. I slowly woke and with eyes closed I saw only blood orange light behind my lids. Alone in my queen bed, I felt warm, safe and secure, nestled into my crimson cotton sheets and fluffy white down comforter. I felt the gray and black striped cat stretch atop the bedspread, always touching me slightly so I couldn't sneak away while he slept. As I came out of my dream and into the day, I opened my clamped jaw to discover morning breath - gross.  Lying in bed, I imagined the warm refreshing shower and tooth-brushing that was to come upon dragging my dead-weight body out of bed. I dreaded being wet, but the thought of the clean feeling that it would produce enticed me to push the sheets and comforter and cat aside.

An hour later, clean and full-stomached, I began another day in my kitchen. Today's menu - devil's food cake with caramel swirl crunchy icing. Eggs, flour, sugar, cocoa, cream and love were my life's ingredients.

A Reason A Season or A Lifetime

A wise person recently shared this idea with me, and I feel compelled to pass it along:

We meet people and form relationships for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

It didn't take long for me to identify myself as the type of person who enters into every relationship with the loose expectation that it will last a lifetime.  There is no "purpose" motivating me to open my mind and heart to a friendship or romance except simply to have a friendship or a romance.  When it comes down to it, it's pretty simple and (at that stage, at least) I don't overthink it.  My initial analysis of a relationship tends to be purely intuition-based.  I have a tendency to trust people until they give me a reason not to.  I can usually tell within the first 5 minutes of meeting a person if they're someone I want to give my trust and friendship.  Once that trust is irreparably broken, the season ends.  But it was always my intention to have a lifetime.

I'm not a friend with ulterior motives; I'm just a friend.

Jazz Standards

I'm a music-lover.  I am a musician.  I love to listen; to play; to write.  I love it all.  It's a true passion of mine.  It's always been a part of my life, and it always will be.  As my good friend, Tiffany, and I related to one another recently, the right music at the right time can speak to the soul and bring us to tears easier and with more depth than just about anything.  It brings back memories, good and bad.  It  can pull at your heartstrings like no one and nothing else can.

If asked to select my genre of choice, ordinarily I hate to peg myself to just one, since I have an eclectic ear and enjoy all genres of music.  Here's my secret truth: my favorite is standard jazz.  I could listen to Tony Bennett, Nat King (or Natalie) Cole, Sarah Vaughan, Etta James, Frank Sinatra, Billie Holiday and the like all day, every day, and never stop smiling and/or crying.  

The chords are so thick and luxe, I sometimes don't even listen to the lyrics.  But when I do, those lyrics are so soulful and real.  It's like they've taken everything I've ever felt and will ever feel and mashed it up into the sweetest, perfectly warm and smooth cup of hot chocolate you can imagine.  This stuff is unbeatable from where I sit.

It's not the pale moon that excites me,

that thrills and delights me, oh no

It's just the nearness of you

Genius.

Means for Inner Peace

It's rare that I just don't feel like going for a run.  Running accomplishes so many different things for me.   While on a run, I can consciously think through problems and (sometimes) find solutions, or I can forget the problems and think about nothing, knowing that I'm doing something good for my body and mind.  Whether I'm seriously thinking or not, I remind myself during each and every run that I am strong; that I am alive; that I am a survivor.  I always feel like a superhero when I finish a run, sweat dripping from every pore, stretching out like a champion.

Growing up, I found solace playing the piano.  I could lose myself at the keys the way that I do now on a run.  Yes, I still play the piano, and I still find solace there sometimes.  I haven't replaced my old friend, baby grand, with a treadmill or open road.  But I have found it increasingly challenging to get away from the grind of everyday life to play the piano.  It seems like whenever I sit down to play, I strike a chord, and immediately, someone needs me for something.  My phone rings or I get a text that needs attention; Dad or Marie want me to do it NOW, not later; someone's favorite TV show is playing loudly in the background, drowning out my peace.  When I go for a run, there is nothing else for me to do but that; right there, right then.  Dad and Marie sure as hell aren't going to come running after me.  There are no calls or texts urgent enough that I can't handle them 60 minutes from now.  For an hour or so, I've reclaimed my peace in the world.  I can unplug and reflect on what's good and what needs some work.

Everyone needs an escape now and then.  Everyone needs a daily dose of introspection.  Without it, we melt down.

Live Like You're Dying?

As my close friends and family are aware, a little over two years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage IIC T4b Malignant Melanoma.  Since the day I received that news, I've been through a lot, physically and emotionally.  From diagnosis to surgery to interferon (a form of chemo-therapy) to worry, worry and more worry, it's been a long journey to where I am today.  Today, I am in maintenance mode - whenever someone finds out that I've had cancer, they always ask, "so, are you in remission now?"  That is, unfortunately, a difficult question for me to answer.  Because I don't know the answer to it.  In the madness that ensued during the beginning stages of this journey for me, mistakes were made and having known nothing about this specific disease at the time, I just tried to go with the flow as much as I could handle...and in doing so, things were overlooked, and my diagnosis was never able to be (and still cannot be) completed.  Since I stopped receiving treatment in January 2011, I have consistently had negative scans and biopsies...which is good news...but not conclusive news.  So I don't know.  I don't know what the future will bring for me, with or without melanoma.  I know that mine is a high-risk case and that the likelihood that I'll have a recurrence within the first 5 years of being treated is very high.  Two years in, I'm comforted to know that I have a rock-solid support system in my amazing family, and friends who don't pretend to understand, but will hold my hand through trying times and have shown me boundless love.  I am tremendously blessed.

With that as a preface, lately I've been struggling with deciding which choices I should make for my life, with the lofty goals of general life fulfillment and happiness.  Should I be a little more reckless and take more risks, or should I take on more responsibilities, settle down, and take the careful route?  I remind myself every day of how short life truly is.  I had an awakening at 23 when I was forced to face and accept my own mortality and shelf that old concept of youth and invincibility.  The question now is: Should that affect the path I take moving forward?  Should I keep on keeping on the path of carefulness, planning for the future long haul; or should I readjust to a course that's a little more carefree and in-the-moment?  I'm sure the answer to my own question lies somewhere between the two.  But how does one find that balance?

Alternative Social Sites

A friend recently brought my attention to two social sites that I had not yet seen or heard anything about:

www.ning.com

This could be the Facebook "alternative", in that it allows users to create a free profile, gather groups of "friends," (anyone they know who also subscribes to the site), and interact with them via the web. It provides users with similar capabilities - allows you to create events, invite specific "friends" within groups as you choose, post comments, participate in discussion boards, etc. Ning takes what started as a way for college kids to connect with one another and orient themselves to their new environment away from home (Facebook), and puts a business/marketing spin on it. Ning allows users to create networks within their networks (very "Google+" -esque) and send direct-to-email mailings to specific groups, run branded ads, sell merchandise directly to a specified group of users. It seems like a great way to communicate internally with coworkers, externally with clients and soon-to-be clients, and sell, sell, sell! It is a platform for building additional revenue and monitoring customer relationships. Being a new tool, I think Ning will face some difficulties breaking into the mainstream. People of all walks of life are comfortable with Facebook and other mainstream sites, and don't want to leave those calm waters to try something new. I'll be watching this one to see if it catches on.

www.ryze.com

The LinkedIn "alternative". It doesn't look like it's quite fully developed from the website (I can't get a feel for how it differs from LinkedIn), but I'm curious - has anyone been successful with, or tried this?

Check 'em out! Are there any other social "alternative" sites that you know of?

From Gecko to Caveman

At DQ earlier this week, I was blown away as I realized just how effective Geico's caveman marketing campaign has been. I went out with my boyfriend to get an after-dinner treat, and the man behind us in line had a physical appearance, which to be frank, was not even close to the spitting image of the neanderthal from the commercials. In fact, the only attributes that were remotely close to the caveman were his long-ish hair and casual clothes. Yet, immediately when I saw him, my mind went to the caveman in a TV commercial during which neither Geico nor car insurance were even mentioned. All that played was the song, "Let Me Be Myself" by Three Doors Down and a loop reel of the caveman running in slow motion towards the camera. What an awesome thing, Geico. I applaud you.

My memory brought me back to an image of your all-too-well-known icon and a catchy song that will be stuck in my head (again) for the next week. All this, because some guy in line behind me at Dairy Queen had long hair. If every long-haired man in jeans and a t-shirt made me think of Geico, I can't imagine what it's doing to the rest of the world. Geico is the fastest growing consumer auto insurance company in the U.S. with over 9 million auto policyholders. With results like that, the marketing gurus working for Geico have got to be wondering: "What recession?" From Gecko to Caveman, someone's doing something right over there at Geico.

"Viral Marketing"

"Viral Marketing" is a scary phrase. People hear "viral" and think they'll contract a disease if they get involved. So, they tune out. How do we immunize so that we can go about our business of spreading the "disease" of our good name, brand, and products? Educate.

Wikipedia defines "Viral Marketing" as:
"A marketing technique that use pre-existing social networks to produce increases in brand awareness or to achieve other marketing objectives (such as product sales) through self-replicating viral processes, analogous to the spread of pathological and computer viruses. It can be word-of-mouth delivered or enhanced by the network effects of the Internet."

Twitter is one of the fastest-growing tools for viral marketing today. It enables individuals to share their lives, beliefs, thoughts, and work with people they've never met in an instant. That's a powerful thing. There's a lot of skepticism around Twitter, as there is around Wikipedia, since anyone can post anything to the sites. Yes, it's true that you can't trust everything you read on the internet. But, for the most part, people want to help others, not hinder them. Unlike Wikipedia, however, Twitter gives users a personal brand, by which they can build the trust of their followers. When I began using Twitter, I followed only the brand names that I already knew and trusted - CNN, Time, Digg, my family, my close friends, celebrities I respect. The more I participated in conversations on Twitter, the more I was exposed to other people, who I don't "know" per se, but who I've spoken with over the web and learned to trust information from. We tweet and retweet each other, and our networks have expanded as they have recommended their friends and followers to me, and I to them. Now, I have over 400 followers reading my thoughts, commenting on articles I've read or written, providing constant feedback of my work and my ideas. A business could do a lot with a system like that.

"Viral Marketing" in my own words is one person sharing a good idea with another person, who shares that idea with another two people, each of whom share it with another two people, and so on and so forth. That idea spreads rapidly this way, through trust relationships. For marketers, this is a beautiful thing, but viral marketing is difficult to track and measure results of a campaign. How can we realize the results of a word-of-mouth marketing campaign if it's all done in people's homes over dinner table conversation, or at coffee shops? There are tools out there that can do some of the measuring for us, for a hefty fee. There are surveys that we can pass on, asking our prospective clients how they heard about our ideas. But, our current clients are more likely to pass the idea on if there's something in it for them - an incentive.

JumpReach is a viral marketing tool that allows you to encourage your existing customers to share your ideas with their contacts (using incentives), makes it easy for them to do so, and tracks the results of your word-of-mouth marketing campaign, so you can easily see that the money you put into it was well worth it. We want your campaign to work. We want the business that you draw from that campaign to pay for our relatively inexpensive tool and much more. We are excited and passionate about this tool and what it can do for you; we are after hearts and minds, not just eyeballs. We want you to take a look at what we have to offer, and we want you to see how great it is, how affordable it is, how unique and valuable it is. We want your feedback about how we can make JumpReach better for you and your campaign. Follow/DM JumpReach on Twitter @JumpReach or check out www.jumpreach.com for more information about this amazing new tool that could transform your marketing dollars spent into dollars earned.

"The Game"

Sophomore year I decided to major in philosophy. I took an introductory course with my soon-to-be college advisor, who was inspiring and passionate about her subject. She had a way of explaining the material and prompting discussion that made me want to do the reading and participate in class discussions. But I had further motivation for my hard work in the class - a game.

Katherine, a friend and sorority sister of mine, sat beside me and we quickly befriended two boys who sat nearby. Early in the semester, the four of us began playing "the game" and as a result, we became the star students and key contributors to class discussion. I don't remember whose idea it was originally, but "the game" became a fascination for us.

Just before each class, we agreed on a word to incorporate into discussion, as well as chose a score-keeper for the day. Throughout the hour, each time the word was used without giggles, the user received a point. The scorekeeper deducted points for laughing and awarded extra points if the professor used the "word of the day" during your turn. After using the word, you had to wait for someone else in the group to use it before you could take another turn. This kept the game interactive and moving.

We selected words based on how they sounded, how challenging it would be for us to incorporated them into the discussion (and it was meant to be a challenge), and how often we used the words on a regular basis in our daily lives (the less frequent, the better). We used: "terrifying," "tiger," "quintessential," and "oblong," among others.

My favorite use of the word of the day was when we used "tiger". The class was discussing applied ethics. To support her main point (I don't remember now what that was), Katherine gave an example that compared human interaction to the relationship between a tiger and an antelope. The example was drawn out and awarded Katherine and all four of us lots of points for the day, since that one example stayed alive for a good 30 minutes of class-time.

"The game" was something that kept us motivated and entertained through sometimes slow-moving subject matter. I still wonder if our professor knew...